time to let go
by littlemissmusicdummy
Summary: They were taking him from me. They couldn't, they wouldn't. - I just couldn't handle more -Hi! I'm Alfred -Are you insane Alice! - I don't know if I could save her... - you are our only option Alfred -I love you... USxfem! UK first hetalia fic be nice!/ may contain spelling mistakes!
1. Chapter 1

They were taking him from me. They couldn't, they wouldn't. I was his legal guardian! They had no right to do this! He was my little brother and no one will keep him or me from coming back to each other.

My footsteps created a small splash as I ran as quickly as my legs could carry me in the pouring rain. My only goal was to at least say goodbye. Dylan and Alistor were going to take him in but he had refused at first telling everyone he was better off with me and it almost worked. Almost .Someone filled a form of me being emotionally unstable and not being home all the time which led into my two older brothers having custody of Cailen. My feet tripped over something but I barely registered it, I continued to run all the way to my house.

When I finally got there he was being pushed into one of the cars. In his hand was a small teddy bear I had given him when he was about 4 and I couldn't help but see him as that little boy again. My legs kept me going I had to get to him and bid him farewell. He couldn't leave without me seeing him for what may be the last time. I kept on going as fast as I could.

"CAILEN!"

He turned to see me and was about to approach me when someone held his wrist and told him not to just then a police officer kept me for going further.

"Please just let me say goodbye to him!" I pleaded

"I'm sorry miss but we had strict orders of not letting his former guardian have contact with him today"

"Please just let me hug him one more time, please he's the only thing I have left" I said tears trying to force its way down my face.

"I am sorry but I cannot let you go" he said with a sad expression

"I am his sister you cannot keep me away from him" I yelled

I watched for a second what he was doing he was mouthing something to me I could make out an _I love you_ and with that he got in the car

"Cailen I love you too" I yelled after him hoping that he could hear me

The car started to drive away. I finally let some tears flow while I kept pleading to the heavens for this to be just an awful nightmare. But the rain didn't stop neither did I woke up in my room. My body finally gave in from all the physical and emotional pain I was suffering right now.

This couldn't be real he wasn't being taken away from me! He just couldn't! I was not accepting this… I could not!

"Alice?" A voice cut through my thought I looked up to see my best guy friend

"Kiku! They took him away from me! They took him away!" I sobbed in his shoulder while he awkwardly embraced me

"Let's go inside I don't want you getting a cold now" he said before placing his umbrella on top of me and leading me back to my house. Once in he told me to go get a shower and some dry clothes.

Once I did what I was told I went to the kitchen only to find Kiku cooking something.

"Are you feeling alright Alice?"

"Not really"

"Do you want me to stay or you want to come over to my house?"

"I am going to stay here I just need some time alone Kiku. Thanks though"

"That is alright I will just keep you company until we finish eating and I'll come back tomorrow morning to see if you are alright"

"There is no talking you out of this are it?"

"No"

Once we finished eating he bid our goodbye telling me he'll come early in the morning. I watched him go before I broke down yet again. I felt abandoned I knew if I were to disappear no one would miss me after all my brothers and sister hate me. Most of the people I know hate me. Kiku is teased and isolated because of hanging out with me. So why stay? Why cause more pain? If I did die they would mourn me for a while but they will move on. I passed a nearby mirror and stared at my reflection I was plain normal there was nothing more to me.

No, that is not it

I was not normal I was less I didn't deserve to be alive that is why everyone hated me because they knew it! They knew I was not worthy.

I stared at myself once more before shattering the mirror into a million pieces. Well why not be kind? She was raised to be a lady after all and ladies were always mature, kind, and elegant. With that in mind I took out a piece of the shattered glass and searched for my bottle of painkillers before going to my room and picking up my finest dress. It was a lovely midnight blue strapless dress that had some layers in its skirt, matching shoes and proper jewelry complemented the gown. I slightly curled my hair letting it fall freely in my back but before I put any make up on I wrote my final words for my brothers and friends before finally applying some make up on my face. There now I look like a lady and let's go on with the moment everyone's been waiting for.

I swallowed the pills and opened some deep wounds on my wrists and neck before lying down in my bed closing my eyes forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so here's the next chapter guy also for the ones who didn't get who's who.

Eily = Ireland Kiku = Japan

Dylan = Wales

Allistor = Scotland

Cailen = N. Ireland

So yeah thanks for subscribing! And I apologize beforehand for any spelling/ grammar mistakes

Disclaimer: As we all know I don't own Hetalia, if I did USUK will be official and Canada will be much more adorable ….none of that has happened.

**Kiku's POV**

I knocked on Alice's door again. It had been at least 10 minutes since I first did and there was still no answer. I sighted and decided to try my luck opening the doorknob.

No such luck.

I tried the back door.

No

I decided to call her. The phone rang and rang but no one picked it up.

My thoughts drifted to where can she be, the park… no it is much too late to go there; maybe she is in her garden … no she would have heard the phone; maybe she went for a walk … around where?. My mind was becoming desperate and if someone broke in? If she is battling for her own life right now?

With that in mind I tried to break into the house, calling Alice like a mad man while banging my body to the door trying to force I open and once I did I started franticly searching for her calling out her name every second, shout after shout.

I coursed Alice for having a huge two storied manor while I kept on searching every single room. With every past second my mind and heartbeat racing. Who flashes the worst feeling? I don't know. While my mind played the entire possible scenarios and really hoped it wouldn't be a terrible one my shouts becoming more and more frantic, more desperate. I finally realized the most obvious place, her bedroom. Sprinting towards there and throwing the door open I took in the sight before me.

Alice was lying on a pool of her own blood an envelope next to her, her beautiful clothes stained with red. I could not scream I could not think, this image was forever burned in my mind. A few seconds later the shock had worn off and I rushed to search for a pulse.

It was almost nonexistent but there nevertheless.

I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed 911, hoping that help wouldn't be too late.

**Dylan's POV**

"Oh shut up Alistor, you don't have to tease Cailen about that"

"But it was just so funny" Alistor responded laughing his head off.

I rolled my eyes before my phone decided to start ringing. I answered while walking away form a laughing Alistor and a fuming Cailen

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Dylan Kirkland?" said a very shaky voice

"This is him, who am I speaking with?"

"This is Kiku Honda, Alice's friend. I am afraid I have some terrible news" My stomach clenched at this. What was going on? Was she upset about us taking Cailen? Or was she hurt? Many different scenarios played through my mind but I could never have prepared myself for his next words "Alice is in the hospital…she tried committing suicide"

I stopped death in my track while trying to process what I just heard. I may never have the best relationship with Alice but she was my little sister after all and we do love each other I would do anything for her, I could be everything because of her.

"How is she?" I managed to say before a soft sob escaped my lips

"She is in surgery right now; the doctors said that she might have a chance but that we must prepare ourselves if that is not the case" I could hear pain in the last part.

"We will be there in a couple minutes. Thank you Kiku" I said before hanging up and going back to where Alistor and Cailen were.

"Who was it?"

"Cailen go to your room please" I answered as cold as I could muster at the moment. Our youngest brother looked confused for a moment but nodded and got up from his seat heading towards the stairs that led up to his room.

Once I was sure he was out of earshot I turned to Alistor trying to stay strong not only for him but for me.

"It was Kiku, one of Alice's friends"

"What did he want?" Alistor replied a frown forming on his face. He never did like to hear about Alice or anything related to her for that matter.

I took a deep breath. I mentally prepared myself for Alistor's reaction before dropping the bomb on him

"She is at the hospital, she attempted to kill herself"

"WHAT?!" came two simultaneous shouts

* * *

Alice's POV

I slowly woke up to a bright light; I groaned and shut my eyes again. My whole body felt sore and somehow I couldn't understand what was going on

Until I heard a heart monitor next to me and all the memories returned to me in a second. I opened my eyes and tried to sit up before someone laid a hand on my shoulder pushing me back gently. I looked up to see my best friend; he looked terrible but smiled at me nevertheless.

"How are you feeling?"

"Terrible"

"I better tell your brothers you are awake" he said getting up and left before I could protest

I closed my eyes again. Why are they here? Why did they even bother to save me? I am useless, worthless, a failure. Why? Why am I here? Why am I alive? Why did someone would bother in saving someone like me? I know that I am nothing so why do they want me to suffer. And everything clicked, I _had to _suffer; it was my punishment for being imperfect, all the taunts and mocks everything was part of it, life was part of it and they were not letting me out of it so easily. I had to be punished but it just hurt too much to bear.

I started to frantically look around for something, something to help me get out of this torture. My heart monitor becoming faster each passing second and then I noticed that I was attached to an oxygen machine. Would it be enough?

I carefully brought my hand to my face until I felt the little plastic tube connected to my nose and removed it, at first nothing happened but as the seconds passed breathing became harder and harder in less than 30 seconds there was a squad of doctors and nurses trying to get me to breathe normally again, the world was becoming a blur, my heart was speeding up more and more

"She's going into cardiac arrest"

"Prepare to shock"

"1…2…3…clear" I felt my chest rise and abruptly fall back into the bed

"Can you hear me? Hold a little longer!"

"1, 2, 3 clear!"

"Stay with us! Hold a little longer!" No let me die now

"Preparing charge…"

"If this doesn't work she'll die…" please let me die, whoever is up there please make it fail, let me die in here

"1…" please oh god

"2…" let me die

"3…" nobody wants me here

"CLEAR!"

My body hit the bed once again and the world cleared itself in my view and my breathing became normal once again and the beeping in the heart monitor steadies once more.

As quickly as they came the doctors and nurses disappear from my room leaving me with my own loneliness, well until my brothers and sister burst through the door. I'm quickly pulled into a hug and (while tears are shed) many apologies, questions and statements are uttered by them. I do nothing other than staying still in their embrace and blink now and then, it isn't until Cailen takes my hand and kisses the top of my head while laying me on the bed once more that I finally react to my surroundings, I grip his hand tighter on an impulse

"I'll never leave you Ali, I love you so much"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be it's more of our fault than it's yours, but no matter what you'll always be my big sister"

"I love you Cai"

"I love you too"

And then I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

So yeah that's it for now guys if the next one takes me a while is beacsue most of the chapters are written out of the need to take soemthing out so yeah

reviews are love and help me update faster!


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